Or things that happen when you are in a long term relationship (that wouldn’t all fit into the title) I realised, the other night, that I had been making a mental list of weird habits that happen now that Robin and I have been married for almost a year (but have been together for 13) So maybe this is only relevant to us, and me and husband are actually just big, giant weirdos, but this is what #marriage is like…
In no particular order:
1) The wearing of pants around the house. I was about to call husband out for mumbling and marching around the house in his underwear, and then realise. No, no. I am too. Turns out, we’re a pants only kind of household. Huh.
2) One of you will deem it completely appropriate to ask, oh I don’t know, let’s just say a kitchen designer at Howdens, if the doors are soundproof because ‘this one‘ (that would be me) is really loud on the toilet (I’M NOT) then laughs to himself.
3) Your texts will mostly be “What do you want for dinner?” followed by a thousand Whatsapp pictures of your cat because he looks so damn cute when he’s sleeping, or eating, or sitting, or blinking, or whatever occasion calls for a picture of your cat. Or dog.
4) “Let’s have an early night” is a myth, not a reality.
5) Once upon a time, in the early stages of your relationship, you religiously removed your leg hair like you were some sort of miraculous half dolphin. Now, you couldn’t care less. There are chin hairs that take priority.
6) Trips. to. The. Dump.
7) There will be a pair of underpants (his or hers, maybe both) lurking in the drawer that is older than your relationship.
8) Watching a boxset totally counts as a ‘Date Night’. There will be hell to pay if someone watches the next episode without the other.
9) When you were dating, his shower gels were called Titanium! or Manly Man Stuff! or whatever and you invested in Dermalogica’s Fancy Pants Shower Serum. Now you both use Palmolive’s Honey and Milk to keep the peace (and the space) because couples that smell the same…miss their old shower gels.
10) When your relationship is new, all milestones feel important. The 3 month mark, the 6 month mark, the 1 year…Eventually, they all blur, you will both forget, cry out “fuuuck, it was ^insert milestone^ last week! what do you want to do?” The answer may or may not be ‘boxset’
11) A king sized bed is exciting because it means you can achieve the perfect sleep and not even tell there is someone else on the same mattress. It’s like they’re not even there and it’s great. Star fish it out as much as you like dude.