Hi, hi, yes, it’s me, yes, still pregnant. Still. Pregnant. I feel less human and more elephant like each day. Actually, no, that’s a lie. I feel like a stuck turtle, when they’re stuck on their backs and just hopelessly lie there unable to flip over. That’s me. I have tried raspberry leaf tea, eaten more pineapple than my tongue can handle, and bounced on the birth ball. I suppose I’m just very comfortable on the inside, or, baby has inherited the worst of her mother’s ‘manana’ and is in no hurry to show up any time soon. You know it’s taking forever when people you haven’t spoken to in ages crawl out of the woodwork to ask ‘have you had the baby yet?’ And by the way, I have also reached the angry phase of late pregnancy. Over the bank holiday, I was raging over strangers parking in our spot outside our flat. At a long hospital appointment last week, one lady in the waiting room started FaceTiming a friend for everyone to hear and I saw not only red but also Hulk Smash green.
Even my baby apps keep asking me, have you given birth yet? It’s time to update your account! How about no Ovia and go away The Bump? P.S Fully aware my large baby is now the size of a watermelon- so thankful to be reminded of that when it’s exit is the size of a grape or whatever small cute fruit is on the list. Thaaaaank youuuuu!
I hope this baby comes soon, because I am fast running out of clothes to wear that fit. This GLORIOUS SUNNY WEATHER is perfect but the other day I had to run out in a t shirt that wouldn’t fit over my belly and a pair of (non maternity) shorts that wouldn’t pull up over it. It was an interesting waddle through Sainsburys, I tell you.
What else has been happening? I had a couple of hospital appointments last week. Just a blip to make sure my liver wasn’t going whoopideedoo, that my blood counts weren’t being silly, and that basically I was actually healthy (turns out I am!) but spending hours at the hospital is never nice is it? Whilst waiting in the maternity triage one afternoon, a poor lady came bursting through, movie style groaning and wailing as her friend yelled at the midwives “HER WATERS HAVE BROKEN” but unlike the movies, the midwives were very calm and still made her wait in the waiting room with everybody else while they decided what to do with her. I couldn’t believe how British it all was- yes dear, we can see you’re in the throes of labour, but please join the queue. (She got carted away to the labour ward soon afterward but you could collectively tell that all the other pregnant women suddenly clenched their kegels after that episode)
Allow me to indulge in my hippy side for a second, but apart from being the size of a house, I think baby is on her way out soon because my cats seem to be taking it in turns to watch over me. I am never left alone. Not even in the loo. It’s very sweet and reassuring, especially when a soft paw pad gently pokes you on the sofa…but’s also unnerving because animals know, don’t they? I’ve woken up more than a few times this week to their yellow eyes staring at me on the bed. Not asking for breakfast or anything. Just staaaaaring. Or, they could still be tripping balls from the catnip I gave them at bed time, but I like to think it’s a sweet animal instinct instead.
And that, is my nine month update.
Still here, gestating along.